Written by: Gosickboy

Originally I wasn't planning on writing this article. I was planning on giving the interview to Richard Lewis and then focusing on other work. I, retrospectively and naively, had thought it'd be the end of this chapter of my life and I'd be free to focus on other things. I could focus on improving my written content, raise the profile of Korea Talk, and start to expand my horizons to other things in eSports.

However, the sheer level of hypocrisy, downright lies, and misconceptions that are getting spread around has forced this final article. I don't mind that I'm getting flack because I believe that I deserve it, but I won't stand by while people push their own agendas and narratives.

'Gosickboy was trying to say something about women in the industry'

Regardless of whether you believe AnnPragg said something about women in eSports is irrelevant; don't force those beliefs onto me. I even said in the interview: 'Six months, in I realized I probably could have done this under my own moniker'

If I truly or knowingly wanted AnnPragg to be a statement about women in eSports then why would I say that in an interview? Yes, it's true that people are more likely to follow after they retweet if there's a pretty girl picture attached. But, if I'm to be honest, those people only really stick around for the selfies so who cares? I actually believe that AnnPragg's gender was probably the least interesting thing about her. What made AnnPragg notorious was her razor sharp wit and honest personality. There are 100s of pretty girls who like League of Legends and/or eSports on twitter, so how come 99.9% of them aren't nearly as popular or famous as AnnPragg?

The truth about women in eSports? Their gender is both a blessing and a curse; everyone wants to listen to the pretty girl but very few actually care about her opinion. As Gosickboy, no one ever questions my game knowledge or personal life. No one ever calls me a dumb whore, a deluded fan girl, an attention seeker, or a dick rider. I can make a tweet where I call Coco the second best midlaner in Korea and sure people might disagree, but I'm never ridiculed and insulted for the opinion. AnnPragg's mute list was massive, Why? It's alarming the sheer volume of people who were ready to insult her just because she was a girl in the industry who wasn't afraid of the fact that she had an opinion. This industry (and world) is full of so many disgustingly misogynistic men who feel the need to berate and abuse any girl they feel sexually or emotionally threatened by.

I can't imagine the sheer volume of hateful and disgusting abuse actual girls receive in this industry. Talented and amazing women like Kelsey Moser, Ryanne Mohr, Susie Kim, Lauren Scott, Emily Rand, Eefje Depoortere, Irena Pencheva, or Sue Lee. For a girl to actually make it in this industry she has to have something else beyond a pretty face. She has to have razor sharp intellect, bullet proof skin, and a sense of drive that even Ludacris would be jealous of.

Consider this: The entire English casting crew for the EU LCS, NA LCS, LPL and LCK is entirely comprised of men beyond Ryanne Mohr. I mean, the casters that Riot has (for the most part) are talented individuals, but I've spoken to a good amount of girls who're so afraid to actually try their hand at casting because they're afraid of the torrential amount of abuse that would follow. This industry loves to say that 'X only got the job because they're a girl' but the truth is the opposite: 'X got the job in spite of the fact that she was a girl'.

The worst part is that I'm an egalitarian and can't stand the idea of placing a girl on a pedestal or giving her attention simply because of her gender. But this industry is so messed up that you almost feel inclined to even the playing field. It's not that there aren't a ton of intelligent girls who follow eSports who're capable of being someone in the industry; it's that most of them are too afraid of the backlash to try.

And, for the record, none of the job offers that AnnPragg received were 'because she was a girl'. In fact many of the pros, managers, owners, journalists and coaches I spoke to admitted in private that they were hesitant to make the offer because I was a girl. I was also subjugated to a few patronising speeches about how 'sexual relations with the players/staff was strictly off limits'.  

'Dissecting the Narrative in the Richard Lewis Article'

Richard Lewis is many things: A fantastic writer, a good investigative journalist, a funny and entertaining character and an intelligent guy among other things. However, Richard Lewis was, like everyone else, tricked by the existence of AnnPragg by his own admission. Like 99% of people he's now attempted to downplay how badly he was tricked by saying things like 'Oh I always had my suspicions' or whatever but even he's admitted that he was tricked on some level.

When Richard Lewis first contacted me he expressed that he felt personally betrayed and upset by the fact that AnnPragg wasn't real. But no one comments on how he seems upset and emotionally irrational in his own commentary. No one questions why the Duncan Shields quotes were included if not to personally besmirch my own character and existence. I mean if the sole purpose of the article was to tell the facts then why is Duncan Shields', probably the person I most hurt and betrayed, opinion relevant at all?

I don't mind that the article has a narrative and is filled with opinion; in fact I'm extremely proud of the article and have shown it to several of my friends who know nothing about eSports. I knew what I was getting into when I agreed to do the interview with Richard Lewis in the first place, but it bothers me that no one's even began to question why Richard Lewis holds the opinions he does. Again, I stress that I'm extremely happy overall with how the article came out but this idea that it was neutral or 'written in my favour' actually makes me want to vomit. It's insinuated I’m a hypocrite, misogynistic, ethically questionable and mentally unstable: Quite the “neutral” article.  

'I'm an Attention Seeker for Doing the Article'

Allow me to give you a timeline:

December 2015: I close down the AnnPragg account. January 2015: I create my own personal account, @Gosickboy_ February 2015: The news about me being AnnPragg gets released. I'm contacted by several journalists who're begging me for an interview or feature. I agree to do the Richard Lewis interview with the intention of quitting eSports shortly after. March 2015: I record the interview, am told it'll be out 'within a few weeks' and that's that. April 2015: Finding myself unable to quit eSports because there's still something I can contribute to this industry; I convince myself that the AnnPragg article won't ever actually get released and stay. June 2015: Article gets released.

So yeah, I guess that attention seeker theory doesn't really add up. I closed down the AnnPragg account well before I was caught, I wanted to end it on my own terms, I chose not to publicize Gosickboy using the AnnPragg twitter account even when I knew I was closing it down. I didn't want to be associated with the account anymore; I wanted it all over and done with. Why did I shut down the fake AnnPragg account? I wanted the chapter of AnnPragg to be over. If you want to catfish on the internet then I'm not going to stop you but do it off your own back.  

'AnnPragg's Leaving Statement Made No Sense'

This part annoys me quite a bit because everything in AnnPragg's life was something that a girl I met actually experienced. If you ever met anyone in recession Britain, you'd understand that the world behind the curtain is dark and full of nightmares. One of my first jobs was a bartender in a night club (I was about 18) and the outfits that the shot girls were forced to wear was disgusting. One of the shot girls was a homeless 15 years old who lied about her age to get the job because she was desperate (but then the agency knew and didn't care). About 4 months later, this girl stopped coming to work and I didn't see her for a full year until I went to an after party and found her stuck in some drug dealer's dependency harem.

The story about Mrs Smith was something friends (someone else) told me over drinks and trust me, this is not the kind of person to lie or exaggerate the truth. I worked as a bartender at a strip club for 4 months and the club frequently hired girls who were under 18. Modern Britain, at least in the city I live, is such a messed up place that causes individuals frequently to fall through the cracks.

Remember that AnnPragg was largely based on an ex-girlfriend of mine: The aggressive, outspoken and sexually intense stripper and nightclub bartender from Liverpool. The girl who'd rather earn $7 a dance than take a handout; this girl worked longer and harder than anyone I've ever met. That girl lived her life how she wanted to and didn't care what anyone thought about her.  

Duncan 'Thorin' Shields

I've said this before so at this risk of repeating myself:

One of the principle motivations for closing down the account was because I was terrified that if the truth came to light then it'd affect Thorin's reputation negatively. My biggest regret is that any chance of true friendship with Thorin is basically non-existent now, especially given that he's one of the most interesting and admirable people I've ever had the pleasure of speaking with. I miss talking to Thorin so much it's actually upsetting. Thorin, if you're reading this then just know this: I'm so fucking sorry.